The reasons a submissives submits
A submissive is a woman who, of her own free will, give over full control of her body, mind and soul.
To be a good Dominant, I need to thoroughly understand the emotional motivations of a submissive.
The ability to understand the other person is what allows one to take control. This is true in all aspects of life.
Delving into a sub's psychological needs is crucial.
Psychological control means understanding what the submissive is seeking. What does she get out of her submission and service?
What are her fears? Where does she feel vulnerable? What does she want?
The following list is a aggregation of all the different motivations that can be observed by female submissives.
Mental & Emotional Escape
Many submissives are Alpha Females (executive, lawyers, doctors, politicians, etc.) who are highly intelligent, driven, successful, and confident. They generally intimidate most other men. They lead incredibly demanding public lives but they crave to escape to a place where they have no control and they have no decision making requirements in their sex lives. These sorts of submissives might only agree to give up control for a certain period of time, while others want the 24/7 experience. This need to give up control can come from a variety of motivations, including being in positions of power in everyday life. A submissive, for example, who is a high-level executive during the day might not want to have all of that control at night, so they are submissive. Conversely, those submissives who are also dominants in some situations might enjoy the ability to give up control from time to time, though not all fo the time.
Being Devoured & Unleashing Dark Passions
Deep inside them, they have craved to just be devoured and consumed by a bold, confident Dominant man without being asked. It is often a deep sexual craving they have for most of their adult lives. Being devoured sexually unleashes passions deep inside them and makes them feel incredibly sexual, highly desired, deeply feminine and incredibly aroused.
Deep Trust & Intimacy
I give my subs a safe emotional/sexual sanctuary. They show me a deeply intimate part of themselves that they have usually never shown any other man, even their former husbands and/or boyfriends. They know they are emotionally safe to be completely “naked” with me knowing they are unconditionally accepted for their desires, kinks and fantasies. They also know that any desire or fantasy can be realized with me without any judgment, ridicule, criticism or rejection. We share a journey of deep intimacy to places they won’t likely travel to with other men.
The One Who Wants Pain
In some cases, a submissive wants to be in a BDSM relationship because they want to have pain inflicted upon them, but they’re not interested in doing this to themselves. They want to be punished and tortured in the dungeon, and they will do anything they can to make sure this is the case. Often, this submissive is someone who needs to be in a relationship with a sadist because they aren’t necessarily interested in training, but in the pain that comes from certain implements, for the euphoric release..
Pleasing & Servicing Other’s Needs
Many submissives are interested in being in a BDSM relationship because they enjoy and get satisfaction from pleasing others. Most subs are pleasers by nature and by their upbringing. There is a deep sense of accomplishment and self-worth that comes from meeting the needs of others for them. Sexually and non-sexually pleasing a Dominant give them a great sense of accomplishment and self-worth. This might include degrading tasks or humiliating tasks; everything that they are asked to do, they do to prove that they will please who they are with, no matter what. This sort of submissive is interested in being asked to do many tasks during a training session, and possibly when they’re outside of the dungeon as well. A pleasing submissive will actually feel lost if they’re not actively pleasing their dominant in some way, so they will need to be kept busy.
Danger, Uncertainty & Mindfucks
Part of not having control is also not knowing what will happen next. A sub never can be truly prepared for any session because they have no idea where this journey will take them. Uncertainty and danger, places the mind in a hyper-vigilant state due to our natural Fight-Flight response. By keeping a sub blindfolded and constantly off-balance regarding what will happen next extends that heightened state. It is why contrasting stimuli are so powerful (silence/loud, soft/hard, hot/cold, fast/slow, painful/gentle) to mindfuck a sub. The sexual release when in a heightened state of danger or surprise is significantly more powerful.
He is Your One
This is how an anonymous sub described her submission in a private email to me, “He is my heart divorced from my body. What I do for Him I would not do for any other soul. He often remarks that He has yet to find the thing I will not do for Him. I kneel in supplication because it honors Him. There is no way I can ever repay Him for making me whole. Instead, I give Him all of myself. There is no part that I do not offer to Him. I am not a masochist. I know he enjoys inflicting pain. I give this to Him. My tears are part of my service. I endure, comforted in the knowledge that He would never harm me.”.
